Pandemic diary 64: Football, fuckwittery and Larndon fings (guest post)

Sadly someone else's beautiful allotment poppies.

Once again, after a long work day and a modern affliction of scriveners' palsy of the mouse hand, I am thankful for a guest post submission. I have poured myself a painkilling restorative of gifted prosecco – more on which below – as is the scribe's way, and now sit down to enjoy the second part of Sheena of London's diary series… (part one is here).


I am a three-year-in Fulham FC season ticket holder. Which is weird cos, essentially, I don’t particularly like football. I do like watching Fulham though, partly because of the walk from the station to the stadium which is either along the river or through a park. Either way there’s always a heron or a parakeet. (Note parakeet theme running through my blog posts.)

I was going to say ‘enjoy’ watching Fulham but that’s not true – they are terrifically inconsistent so it’s like being on a rollercoaster. Which is surely one of the things we should not be doing at the moment. Like having a party or, yes, being closer to other people at the beach than during normal times! (What is that about?)

SO, with increasing fuckwittery about, here are some coping mechanisms…

In head only and just for imaginary fun:

  • Push cyclist off bike or, passive-aggressively, wait till very close, turn quickly and make surprising noise or gesture so naturally fall off
  • As jogger passes, accidentally turn foot (or elbow) out into their path
  • As beach hogger comes near you, shake out towel to cover them in sand.  


  • All together now, arms to the side, palms angled sideways and slightly towards the sky, eyebrows raised, head tilted and …. “REALLY? (I do this one regularly, without risk assessment, which may one day be a mistake.)
  • Stay in and write blogs about fuckwits.

Things I am still struggling with:

  • The idea that we should ever triage based not on life chances but economic usefulness (see recent DNR stories such as this and this). Public domain examples included care home residents, people with learning disabilities or the disabled (more on this from the British Institute of Human Rights).
  • Lockdown protests. And armed (with assault rifles) ones in parts of the US, with a seeming acceptance that it’s ok to shoot people (especially if they’re black). Scary.
  • Being an emotional wuss. I have been left far more susceptible to tears in the eyes by an incident two years ago. Kindness in particular sends me over the edge. 

Things I am thankful for:

  • NHS and carers, posties etc. 
  • Not having to also deal with bodies in the streets (Ecuador) or ebola (DRC)
  • Kindness (even though am blubbering mess with red eyes)

Things I am loving:

  • Facebook, Twitter and Whatsapp – very entertaining these days 
  • Rainbow trout in the river
  • Writing letters (actual letters, not just complaints)
  • Chunky Kitkats – oh yes.


Fiona back again  – today I am very thankful for a friend dropping off an unexpected gift – prosecco and chocolate – on the doorstep. Now that's the kind of friend you need in lockdown, not a courier of rhubarb. Cheers!

Late news bulletin for yesterday (beep beep be-bee-beep): on our daily walk exercise we went in search of access to a patch of green less than 10 minutes walk away that Google had not labelled. It turned out to be a cricket pitch with club (Lyndworth Cricket Club) that was established in 1881.

1881! Possibly with land gifted by Cadbury's – to be confirmed.

Check it out – they have a clubhouse, bar, score board, nice pitch and are looking for new players. Matches take place on weekends in a normal season (suspended currently).

Lyndworth Road
B30 2UG

Who knew! Please support them – if they stop playing cricket, it'll turn into a developer's dream.

Lyndworth Cricket Club pitch in Stirchley and players warming up
The stylish scoreboard hut bowled this maiden over.

Commission/hire me: fiona [at]